I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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