i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
