Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Randomize
