Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
