You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
