Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
