Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
