you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Randomize
