It's like God shit irony all over that family
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
