So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
did i walk over a car last night?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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