Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize