yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
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Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
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If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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