Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
