So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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