Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
