dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
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