dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
