why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
