Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
