wanna go halves on a baby?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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