god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
