I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
