my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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