Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
