go do what you do best...puke behind churches
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
