oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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