Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
