So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
