we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
