Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
not ubering you a puppy
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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