I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
