this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Can't talk, ducks in the car
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
