Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
