whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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