This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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