quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
