i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
