DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
this will be a night to untag.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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