wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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