I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize