It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Even my vagina gasped.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize