I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
