You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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