you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
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i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
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We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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