had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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