What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
