this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Shame - the story of my life.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
