Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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