Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
