I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
