yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
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THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
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He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
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