dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
