then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
