WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
