I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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