i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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