Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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