he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
She bit a glass in half.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Randomize
