I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
