Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
