Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
