how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
