Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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