Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
