i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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