I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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