Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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