u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
