i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
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I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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