Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
